Most people think that lying, cheating, and not keeping your word are the biggest ways to break trust, but what if I told you there were 3 mistakes you might be making right now that are breaking the trust of those around you… and you don’t even know it?!
I bet some of these will surprise you.
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When it comes to breaking trust, it’s easy to focus on the big lies and betrayals that shake up our lives.
It makes it seem like we either have trust or we don’t.
The truth is trust isn’t all or none.
While we might remember the big upsets, the smaller breakages can be JUST as devastating over time if left unchecked.
You see, small things can wear away at your nerves and tolerance over time. So let’s uncover some of the seemingly simple mistakes that break down trust so you can avoid them.
3 Mistakes That Break Trust:
1. Not clearing arguments
No one particularly likes big intense arguments, and we usually want to get away from them as quickly as possible. But just like rushing around trying to clean before having people over, a rushed job isn’t a good job. Just because your house or your relationship looks good, it doesn’t mean that you have really dealt with the issue, as much as just stuffed it in a closet away from view.
This is epitomized by the show Friends when Ross repeatedly insists, “We were on a break!” followed by a re-ignition of hostilities between Ross and Rachel. It’s clear that they have never resolved what happened when they weren’t dating, and thus, it’s inevitable that they will hit this particular snag again and then start a fight, which we see… over and over.
Don’t be like Ross and Rachel; they are… draining! Instead, be willing to listen and delve into how both of you feel, so you can understand each other’s mindset.
If either Ross or Rachel gave up their righteousness for a moment and set up some ground rules and standards for the future, their relationship would be better. And you can (and should!) do that too.
When arguments happen, talk about them afterward. Go over what went wrong, why it happened, and what you will both do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
2. Assuming you are on the same page
Don’t assume you are on the same page with your partner until you have actually had a talk about the book you are in and the page you are on. This is especially important when talking about your future. Do you want kids? A job? What are your opinions on finances?
These are just some of the things that can break trust.
Let’s try an exercise: imagine you are very frugal with your money. Maybe you didn’t have a lot growing up, so spending is something you do very consciously.
What if the person you are dating is a big spender who doesn’t really know or understand your saving tendencies? What’s it gonna be like when they walk into the house with another large TV for the man-cave…she-shed…person palace?
Will you feel you can trust that person or is their constant assumption that it’s OK to spend gonna get old quickly?
Have the uncomfortable conversations. Otherwise, you’ll undermine your efforts to be on the same page. If you don’t speak up, the other person won’t have any idea that you’re not on the same page.
Oh, and a note, if you tell your partner why it bothers you and they don’t care… well, that might be a red flag.
3. Being Two Faced
How do you feel watching someone you think you know do something completely out of character? It’s weird, right?!
They tell you they hate Italian food, but when they’re with their friends, you hear them insist that Italian food is their favorite! You ask yourself…what the heck is going on?!
It makes you wonder what else they aren’t being honest about. It can shake your confidence in who they say they are. Now don’t get me wrong, we are multifaceted human beings with different sides to ourselves, but when it comes to our partners, it’s important for us to share those sides with them.
If we don’t, trust will break down because they wonder, “Who is the real you, and what do you really believe?” Trust is harder to come by if you’re being inauthentic.
It works both ways. If you truly feel you can’t be honest with the person you are with, do you really want to be with them? They may be smokin’ hot, but a life of lies and pretending is a heavy burden to bear.
Honesty and trust mean being able to have uncomfortable conversations. I’ve got a great tip to help you make it easier in my free masterclass. Check it out!
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