My take on relationship problems according to Psychology Today

Psychology Today’s article titled “How to Tell if a Relationship Is Actually Working” describes what it feels like if you have relationship problems and are questioning your relationship. The author offers some pretty sound advice about what you can do to see if your relationship really works.

Buuuuut, there’s a big missing piece! Read on to find out what it is…

The Good Stuff

This article offers you a whole list of ways to answer the question, “Are you ‘The One’?” Out of these suggestions, the “15 Questions” is the best tool to use since asking those questions will illuminate what works and doesn’t work in your relationship.

Even for great relationships, these kinds of questions can be helpful to deepen your understanding and connect the dots with your partner. These questions are useful for any relationship, even if you already know you’re with “The One!” Remember, relationships take work so opportunities to explore and go deeper are always welcome.

What’s Missing?

Here’s what caught my eye: all the suggestions are good…. But there’s a missing step that comes before any of these options. These questions assume that what you’re thinking is in fact the same as how you feel. But what if it’s not?

Emotions are messy, and how we feel can be determined by many different factors.

For example, if I am having a really rotten day and then my significant other does something annoying, my existing grumpiness will color how I feel. I’ll be WAY more reactionary than on an average day. What I’m thinking is that they totally set me off! But that’s not actually true: I was already upset about other things, and this was the final straw on the camel’s back. In this scenario, my thoughts and feelings are not an exact match.

How to Make Relationship Problems Better

So how CAN you answer the question of “Are you The One?” It might sound obvious, but if you’re questioning your relationship, the real first step is to talk about it with your partner!

Now, I know that this may feel a little scary, but shockingly this is the best way to find out if there is an issue. And if you find that there is an issue, actually address it together.

Most people make the mistake of waiting too long to talk to their significant other, and by the time they do, they’re already moving out of love with them. This doesn’t give you, or them, much of a chance to actually take care of the problem! If you don’t feel ready to take that leap yet, then talk it out with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, coach, or my online Relationship Seminar and work it through. That way, you can get some valuable perspective.

Sometimes, outside perspectives reveal things that we can’t see ourselves. I call these your “blindspots,” and that’s where these other perspectives can be super helpful!

And, very importantly, if you find yourself questioning your relationship, make sure not to vilify yourself.

Questioning (aka looking at) where you are in your relationship is actually something that’s important! Acknowledging relationship problems is normal and can be very helpful. As we grow as people, we also need to grow in our relationships. Otherwise, we become complacent. So asking these questions isn’t a bad thing, because there are always new things to discover and new heights to reach.

If you or your partner feels this way, embrace it, look for solutions, and get into action! Then, no matter what happens, you know you did your best.

Read the original article from Psychology Today here.

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